Dealing With the Pressure To Be Productive
As I sit here on a drizzly Saturday, not feeling the urge to go out into the world amidst the gloom, I started thinking about what I might be doing differently if the weather were nice. The last few months I have been enjoying exploring the new little town I call home, as well as the surrounding areas. It’s a beautiful part of the world, western North Carolina, and there’s always something to enjoy, whether it be the stunning landscape or the charming small towns. Not doing that today, though.
What does it mean to not have plans? To not have an agenda? It means your brain will dream up something else to do, and for many people, that default can be chores or something that needs doing. I’m determined this morning not to let that overtake the whole day, though. As humans, we seem to have an innate desire to be productive, and to feel guilt about not being so. Battling that urge requires sitting with that discomfort, challenging that, getting to the root of it, and choosing differently. To be clear, being productive is necessary at times, and can feel good, but the point is that it doesn’t need to be the priority.
This is something I’ve thought about (and analyzed) many times before, but I’m dealing with it today, for whatever reason. The bills need to be paid, floors need to be mopped, clothes need to be washed, etc. We all have that running to do list that wants to prioritize itself over self care or creative endeavors. Right now, I am choosing not to do those things (at least until later) and to give myself permission to work on a painting I’ve been wanting to do. I’m challenging myself to do what I want to do instead of what I “need” to do.
The idea of being productive is intense, a concept I often encounter with clients, and my own self as well. Some years ago, I read something that put that drive into words really well, and it was a light bulb moment. It was something along the lines of equating self worth with how much we produce. In our society, that is rewarded, and resting or playing is not. I thought about that quite a lot, and have since shifted that mindset (most of the time). It also has to do with having inherent worth, whether we are productive or not.
Most of our parents did not raise us to focus on the quieter side of self growth or self regulation, instead defaulting to praising us for the things that we did instead of who we were. Imagine what they would say (and we do) if they knew you were going to a painting instead of the chores that need doing, or whatever else was deemed more worthwhile. It likely wouldn’t be positive, but, as adults, we get to challenge that way of thinking if we are aware of it. So, for this morning, I will sit with the guilt of putting the chores to the side momentarily, remind myself that my worth does not depend on what I do, or don’t do, and work on the painting.