Viewing Selling a House As a Milestone

There are many things in life that are viewed as major milestones – marriages, births, buying a home, etc. But, the flip side of those events are not really seen the same way, For instance, divorces, kids growing up, and selling a home are often thought of in the opposite way. I am struck by how unfair this is, and how inaccurate it is to view it as just a loss instead of as a milestone.

This week, the house I have lived in for the past six years has gone on the market. There is a for sale sign out front that I see many times a day. Selling a home, and literally moving on, is a major life transition, but in many cases, it can also be seen as a milestone, depending on what it represents. Right now, for me this represents the ending of an era, which is both positive and negative. I don’t think we talk about the positives of this enough. To be clear, it takes awhile to get to the place to be able to see that.

My son going away to college about a year and a half ago was the impetus for a lot of self reflection. It’s true what they say about middle aged and older women – there is a shift, but it’s not like the going crazy shift people think it is. It’s more like a waking up shift - which people choose to view as crazy. While I was always aware that I was living my life for other people, and putting their needs first, I didn’t realize the extent of that. It’s impossible not to do that when you’re raising young children. Women genuinely do forget who they are during this period of being in service to others, while they center children and partnerships, and no amount of self care would change that mindset in that era of life, I am convinced. It’s just how it is.

This reflection about motherhood, and the ending of the kid living at home period, also had me thinking about my marriage, and how much of that was being in service too, along with forgetting who I am in the shadow of who he is (or isn’t). It became apparent to me that this was no longer a way to live. Without going into the details of the trials and tribulations of twenty-five years, it just became clear that living a life that I craft completely for myself, and not around other people, was a possibility, and the pull of that possibility became something I could no longer ignore. Centering myself is now an option, and it hasn’t been for a long, long time.

So, as I sit in my very clean and very spartan house right now, waiting for the next owners to discover it, I’m thinking about a lot of things. While there is definitely grief, sadness, and fear, there is also excitement for whatever is next. Divorce, kids growing up, and searching for the next place to create my next era of life is not just about loss, but also about hope.